Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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