I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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