you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
