the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
