to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
