why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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