I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
