listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
