The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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