He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
