i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
