i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
