I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
