Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
