I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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