Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
