Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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