Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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