I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
