I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
