sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize