if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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