Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
