I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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