I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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