You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
