Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
