What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
