Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
