Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
