Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
