my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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