so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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