i may or may not be watching the land before time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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