how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize