I'm gonna have a badass scar
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
