Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
