Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
