FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I touched a dick in church today
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