You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize