All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize