Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
