I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
