he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
