We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
