I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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