You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
