Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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