This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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