I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
