Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
