i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
