you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
