I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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