She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
