I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
