Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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