i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
