well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
