I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
