WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
