Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
