I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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