i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize