You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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