There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize