I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
