Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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