insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
