I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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