We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
