i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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