i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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