You made me cry and you don't even care
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
